Practice positive thinking-when you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, say "Stop it!" to yourself. Then refocus on the positive. This helps you keep control and think through whatever problem you are dealing with.

• "Relax. Take it easy. Take it slow. I'm a good parent, and I can do this. It is going to get better-it just takes time."
• Even if you don't see immediate change in your children's behaviors, recognize that you can at least prevent the problem from getting worse.
• Positive thoughts not only help you control your emotions, they help you to better concentrate on the task at hand-teaching your children better ways to behave.

Don't take what your child says personally. Children can be very mean. Just remember that when your child is calling you names or being sarcastic that it is because they haven't yet learned the skills necessary to deal with anger and frustration. If you are concerned about something your child has said, talk to them about it after everyone is calm again.

Use the "take five" rule. Cooling off periods can defuse volatile situations.

Focus on the behavior in question, not what you think are the reasons for the behavior. Deal with the way your child is acting, not the content. Children will try to provoke you as a way to distract you from their behavior or to engage in a power struggle.

If you are angry and do say something you regret, go back and say you're sorry. This models for your child how to behave when you've made a mistake. Apologize, say what you did wrong, and what you will do differently next time. Some parents worry that apologizing will diminish their power, but the opposite is actually true-it shows confidence and treats your children with the respect they deserve.

Remember that staying calm does not mean you're totally passive. Staying calm just means that you don't react to misbehavior in an angry, aggressive manner.